January 1, 1970
Demetri Martin owes this guy his career
I went to a 24 hour convenience store the guy was locking up and I said I thought you open 24 hours and the guy says not in a row
This guy is a human version of the Far Side.
This dude’s great lmfao
I got pulled over by a cop, he asked me why I was going 90 mph. I told him.......Because this piece of shit won't go any faster. True story! He didn't think it was funny.
2:08 - 3:05
Traveling at the speed of light and turn on the headlites would they do anything
youtube videos: *extremely hilarious*the description: *prepare to die*the viewers: i'm fully prepared already.me: good luck.
true genius, UFO?
"I bought a map of the United States, 1 mile = 1 mile, I can't figure out how to fold it".......(always loved that joke)
The other day, I followed this dog home. So he kept me. (I made that one up myself.)
I'm a peripheral visionary. I can see into the future, but only off to the side.
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